In Australia, intimate partner violence is considered a national health crisis. Let’s talk about abusive relationships.

Every relationship has a perpetual problem. There is no such thing as a relationship without conflict. So one of the most sustainable things you can do to ensure the longevity of a relationship, is to learn how to fight right. Or at least better.

Stan Tatkin is an author, clinician, and research at The University of California. He is also the found of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT).

In his book, ‘Your Brain on Love’, we shares 11 fact on relationships based on his extensive research and experience.

Through the decades of research conducted on couples, they identified four negative communication habits that lead to relationship breakdown and failure, and called them the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

All boundaries can be backed up with consequences. This shows people how seriously we aim to take our own needs, as well as live by our values. Creating consequences can be difficult because it requires not only the energy of setting the boundary, but following through.

It is often the case that when couples have fostered intimacy, there is less focus on their sex life. However when couples report feeling ‘distanced’ from one another, a lot of focus is placed on their sex life, and how sexually dissatisfied they are.

When people tell me I’m too loud, I say No, I’m not loud enough. My voice is naturally ignored in meetings, even when it’s sharing better ideas. So, No, I will not be quiet. I’ve been quiet for long enough. I’m just not afraid to say No to people anymore. Bosses, health professionals, colleagues and customers. If they ask something that I don’t like or agree with, I don't feel any guilt in saying No.

When you’re stressed simple things like getting a good nights sleep and remembering to eat well are neglected while your body releases cortisol to keep you alert. In the mean time you become fatigued, anxious and often depressed. It’s incredibly difficult to carry these symptoms into an successful intimate situation.