Managing Emotions Part 1

The spectrum of emotion goes beyond the vocabulary we have today. For example, you know the feeling of putting freshly laundered sheets on the bed then crawling in? We all know this feeling of crispy, fresh, bliss- but no one word exists to describe the feeling.

I had set a goal to journal every night as a reflective exercise. What I noticed was startling. I defined ‘sex’ as penile-vaginal intercourse between a man and woman. As a mental health counsellor working with people and discussing sexual health, I reflected on how damaging this limited definition of sex was on my practice, and my perception of sexual and romantic relationships.

Sexual distress is a term used to describe any sexual concern relating to arousal, desire, orgasm or pain. In my practice, and in my research on female sexual dysfunction (FSD), I found that the term sexual distress described a plethora of issues, from experiencing sexual pain, to difficulty reaching orgasm.

Maybe you’ve recognised your privilege as a white person, non-white person, educated person, wealthy person, powerful person etc. But don’t just observe it, act on it. Educate yourself on the issues others face, stand against rape culture and toxic masculinity. Don’t allow the vicious cycles of abuse to occur around you, no matter how subtle. Don’t expect a gold star for being a decent human being, just be.

When people tell me I’m too loud, I say No, I’m not loud enough. My voice is naturally ignored in meetings, even when it’s sharing better ideas. So, No, I will not be quiet. I’ve been quiet for long enough. I’m just not afraid to say No to people anymore. Bosses, health professionals, colleagues and customers. If they ask something that I don’t like or agree with, I don't feel any guilt in saying No.

In a modern society where hardworking women are time poor and rely on dating apps to meet people, sexual success is often obscured by social barriers. A feminist identity should encompass the values you hold close, and shouldn’t be pitted against the next person’s.

The best way to explore your nerve clustering is to masturbate. Masturbation is fucking dope. Get into it. The other way is to practice with a partner. Ask them to mix it up a little through different oral sex techniques, or alternative sex positions. If you need guidance on these topics email me and I’ll consider writing a blog on it, but generally just engage in these activities without a goal in mind. See it as an opportunity to learn about your body.

Female sexual pleasure has stumped researchers for most of human existence. Those researchers were mostly men, who quickly became defeated of the ‘complex’ and ‘mysterious’ nature of female sexual anatomy. Throughout the history of research on women’s sexuality, people have hit road blocks. This is still happening today.

When you’re stressed simple things like getting a good nights sleep and remembering to eat well are neglected while your body releases cortisol to keep you alert. In the mean time you become fatigued, anxious and often depressed. It’s incredibly difficult to carry these symptoms into an successful intimate situation.