Reframing language around Emotions

Managing Emotions Part 1

Emotions are physical sensations that we experience in our bodies. They communicate to our selves, and others that certain needs must be met. 

The spectrum of emotion goes beyond the vocabulary we have today. For example, you know the feeling of putting freshly laundered sheets on the bed then crawling in? We all know this feeling of crispy, fresh, bliss- but no one word exists to describe the feeling. 

In our society, the language often associated with emotion includes dichotomies of good & bad, positive & negative. What can be problematic about this language is the implication that some emotional states are more desirable than others.

This often leads people to chase the positive emotional states, like feeling happy, relaxed, or satisfied. And want to escape the negative emotional states of stress, anxiety, sadness, or loneliness. 

“By reframing, the client unlearns, and relearn how to engage with uncomfortable emotions. ”

In an aim to remove the implicit desire to escape some emotions, I will reframe the language with clients in therapy to notice comfortable, or uncomfortable emotions. This encourages people to notice their somatic experience of emotions. And we can liken uncomfortable emotions to other uncomfortable physical sensations, like a muscle cramp during exercise, or period cramps with menstruation. 

I will encourage the client to consider; 

How do you interact with the experience of a cramp? 

What cognitions are associated with the cramp?

What behaviours occur in response to the cramp?

They usually describe something like; 

“Well, I notice there’s a cramp, so I stop exercising because it hurts. Then I usually stretch the muscle and go slowly.” 

Or, 

“I notice I’m experiencing menstrual cramps, so I take it easy. I get a heat pack, a cup of tea, I lay down, and wait for the pain to subside. I might even ask someone else to help me.”

I will then ask what the client notices they do differently with emotions. Are they as patient and gentle with themselves? Are they as non-judgmental? The answer is usually no. 

The benefit of reframing language by using the term ‘uncomfortable’, is that people stop projecting their expectations, interpretations, and implications onto their emotional experiences, and instead engage with the emotion in a non-judgemental way. 

By reframing, the client unlearns, and relearn how to engage with uncomfortable emotions. This creates a lot more room for self compassion. 

Read more about how to engage with your emotions here, and the function of emotions here.