SEXUAL PAIN
Sex is not supposed to be painful, no matter what kind of genitals you have.
We’re going to look at what causes sexual pain, what Vaginismus is, and how to manage it. Please note that the suggestions made in this article should not replace professional support.
Anyone can experience sexual pain. But if you have a vulva and have experience sexual pain, here are some reasons why:
Perhaps you're not fully aroused, and have jumped into penetration before your body is ready. This often feels like pain on the entrance of vagina.
Maybe you're not adequately lubricated. Remember, vaginal discharge is not lubricant. This can feel like a burning sensation because there is too much friction, and like the skin being stretched.
Or maybe you're really anxious about penetration. This can feel like the muscles in your pelvis get really tight, and it's difficult to insert anything into your vagina.
Vaginismus
Vaginismus is a condition that causes involuntary muscle spasms in the pelvic floor that make penetration of the vagina difficult.
Vaginismus means the following is super painful:
inserting tampons
penetrative sex (fingers, toys, penises).
medical exams (HPV screenings).
If and when you do talk about sexual pain, make sure to describe where you feel it, and what the sensation is- sharp, dull, stinging, stabbing.
It's important to know that sexual pain is common, and very manageable. But it requires professional support from a pelvic floor physio, sex therapist, and GP.
Vaginismus can be caused by:
past sexual trauma
fear of pain
anxiety
certain medical conditions
Treatment includes:
pelvic floor exercises with a pelvic floor physio
psychological support with a sex therapist
relaxation techniques
Vaginismus is treatable! Many people have had it, and have learnt to manage it.
To begin to address sexual pain, you will need a good GP, preferably one that understands sexual health well, and is sex-positive.
You can also skip the GP and book in with a sex therapist, and pelvic floor physio- no referrals needed.
When treating sexual pain through professional support, you will need to access both a sex therapist to help address psychological barriers, and a pelvic floor physio who helps with body work.
How to manage sexual pain:
Sexual pain is manageable, and alongside professional support here are some suggestions.
Communicate with your partner: Let people know if you're uncomfortable or in pain. We want them to be patient and supportive. Never tolerate or endure sex that is painful, it creates a negative feedback loop in your brain that begins to associate sex with pain, making it less likely you will want more.
Take things slow: Rushing into sex can cause discomfort. Take your time and focus on building arousal with sensual touch or outer course before any penetration.
Practice relaxation techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you relax and reduce tension in your body.
Use lubricant: Lack of lubrication can lead to discomfort during sex. Try using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant to reduce friction.
Remember, sexual pain is a common issue and there are many solutions available.
Don't be afraid to seek help and try different strategies
until you find what works best for you.
