Sex involves one or more bodies. They’re the vessels that facilitate the pleasure we all hope to experience. But often people’s perceptions of their bodies act to distract them, and at times can contribute to performance anxiety.

What is body image?

The intersection between your body, and your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions about your body determine your body image.

Body image can refer to one’s self-assessment of their appearance, of particular body parts, or bodily function.

Research has demonstrated that when it comes to body image and sexual function, it’s not so much what people are dissatisfied with (e.g. breasts, genitals), but rather how much they’re thinking about it during a sexual interaction.

Findings also suggested that if you experience body image self-consciousness during physical intimacy, you’re more likely to experience issues with sexual function. This was linked to things like an aversion to sex, less desire and arousal, increased anxiety, and decreased frequency of orgasm.

Some research also found that those with negative body image were also more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour, and experience unsafe or unwanted sex. This was attributed to their inability to assert their own boundaries due to a perception that their needs were not as important.

In practice, I often see people with negative body image, rumination over appearance or sexual function, and therefore dissatisfaction in sexual experiences.

Genital body image:

Research has shown that people are really critical of their genitals. This involved being dissatisfied with genital shape/size, smell/odour, and amount of pubic hair.

In a survey of 52,000 cis-gendered heterosexuals, 45% of men wanted larger penises, while 85% of women noted their partner’s penises were great the way they were. In the same survey, 70% of women were dissatisfied with their breasts, and only 56% of men noted boobies were great just the way they were.

I personally found this finding interesting! Why are we so much more critical of boobies than penises? My professional and personal opinion would be- exposure. We are far more frequently exposed to boobs, especially unrealistic ones, than we are penises.

The same study found that the ideal boob is a contradiction- naturally large, and perky. So both men and women are holding bodies with boobs at a higher, and unfair expectation in our society.

Obviously men watching porn may be exposed to more unrealistic penises standards, which is why they are far more critical than their female partners.

Unfortunately, we lack large scale studies on queer, intersex, or trans body image concerns.

Things that influence body image:

Limiting gender roles and binaries. Research shows that being conditioned to believe you should either be muscular enough, or skinny enough negatively impacts body image.
Research suggests being in a body that isn’t the beauty ideal can impact us. This includes being fat, unattractive, having a physical disability.
Life circumstances. The research shows that your job (especially that of models, athletes, dancers, and sex workers), or anything that makes you susceptible to receiving comments on your appearance can impact your body image.
Exposure to unrealistic beauty standards, or unrealistic bodily function in advertising or porn can impact our body image.

Sex is social:

In Emily Nagoski’s ‘Come As You Are’, she reflects on (binary, sorry folks) research that suggests during sex, men are more likely to focus on their experience of pleasure, seeking cues from their sensory experiences. While women are more like to focus on the visual and auditory responses of their sexual partners, and take cues from them, alongside cues from their own bodies.

According to this finding, women are more like to integrate their partners looks, reactions, and responses as personal feedback during sex.

While this research is binary and limited to cis-hets, it is an interesting observation. I have worked with women, men, and queers who would argue they fit into the social sex perspective.

So why share this finding? Because I hear so many people in sessions say things like:

“I don’t do x behaviour anymore after they gave a weird look and didn’t seem to enjoy it.”

“They seemed to like me better from this angle so I tend to do that position more knowing they like it.”

What I’d encourage you to take away from this finding is; sex is social. You will be sensitive to your partner’s reactions, but they are not to be misconstrued for an attack on your ability, attractiveness, or worth.

You can be the juiciest, plumpest peach in the world. And there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches.

Remember;

Don’t make critical comments about people’s bodies. Ever. Especially during sex.
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If someone makes comments on your body that make you uncomfortable, leave. You are entitled to set a boundary that only loving, supportive comments be made. And if people aren’t willing to offer you that, they can get fucked.

If you relate to any concepts shared here, and would like to improve your experience of body image and sexuality, please feel free to book a session!

Reference:
Wiederman & Sarin (2014). Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy: Body Image and Sexuality. 5th Ed.

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